I'd be rich.

I'd be rich if I had a clue how to handle money.

Seriously. I am terrible with money. I tend to be impulsive and in addition I'm not very good at following through on things.

I don't want to confirm this, because I'm fairly certain and wouldn't want to poor salt into the wound, but I probably pay more each month in overdraft fees then the nominal annual Gross Domestic Product per capita of 32 countries. (Yes damn it. I looked.)

Budget you say? Sounds like a good idea. In fact, I love ideas. I have tons of them. Good ones at that. I'm not the only one who thinks so. Reasonable people who don't read this blog (that may be redundant) think so.

My employment is lucrative. I make 2x the per capita GDP. I don't buy toys like new cars or boats. In fact, I live very comfortably far removed from poverty. So, when I say I'd be rich I must be referring to disposable income. Then again, since I have no idea how to handle money, that may not be the right term.

So where does it go? I have no idea. (See previous post about that.)

Subsequently, I have resolved the following steps must be taken to rectify my (lack of) plight.

1.) I'm selling a kidney. I haven't decided which one. They've both been good to me. There may be some separation anxiety on their part, so please be patient with any behavioral outbursts they may exhibit.

2.) I'm going Pro on the game show circuit. I am a wealth of useless knowledge. I have as much gravitas as Wikipedia. I have a secret weapon too. I will taunt and intimidate my way to Jeopardy Superdom until Alex worships at my feet.

3.) Sell my secret formula for clean, renewable, resource-free, energy.

4.) OK. I got nothing. Besides I have to take this phone call from the bank.