My relationship with beer.

Beer.

Beer and I go way back. Sure we've had our tough times, but it's always seemed to be a relationship for the ages.

Of course, just like any other relationship, we have our fights. We get together most times though, and it's just fine. Right now though, beer and I aren't talking again.

It started out as a great night. Beer and I were having a great time. Then I did something really stupid. I tried to spice up my relationship with beer by introducing Beer to Vodka. Vodka and I haven't talked in years. Vodka and I were really close at one time but we had a REAAAAALLLLLLY bad break-up and hadn't talked since.

But, on that magic night of a St. Patty's Day Party, Vodka was there. Vodka was sitting in little cups, mixed with J E L L O. Beer and I were having a great time. I trusted Beer and Beer trusted me. I, like all stupid people, decided I would try for a three-some. (You know everyone wants to do it once.) Anyway, I went for it.

Beer, Vodka, and I got our groove on. It was a fantasy-happy. We all passed out together.

Suddenly, in a cold sweat I awoke. Vodka and Beer we're having a battle in my stomach and my head. Both made a run for the door, leaving me alone with my headache and an intense urge to die.

Beer and I haven't talked since. I'd like to think we'll get back together. I didn't need more than you, Beer. I'm sorry Beer. I'll never think I need anything but Beer....

...If you'd only let me drink you without an instant gag reflex once again.